Thursday, March 11, 2010
"We will use these stones to build a memorial. In the future your children will ask you, 'What do these stones mean?' Then you can tell them, 'They remind us that the Jordan River stopped flowing when the Ark of the Lord's Covenant went across.' These stones will stand as a memorial among the people of Israel forever."
Joshua 4: 6-7
There are times, when I write what is on my heart, I feel I need to give a little "disclaimer." I worry that it may appear I think I have somehow "arrived." Nothing could be further from the truth. I believe I struggle more than most, and it is because of that insufficiency that I record the things the Lord so lovingly and graciously doing in my life. I don't want to forget.
I pick up the stones of remembrance and pile them onto the pages of this blog as a memorial. I look down the path and pray that as my children and grandchildren come along behind me they will see the stones and discover here what they mean...
When I pray and ask the Father to forgive me of my sins, I always ask Him to fill me with His Spirit. I ask in faith, but often there comes a little dart of doubt that pierces through the defenses straight into my heart. I hear about the experiences of others and wonder why I don't feel those same things. The little dart begins to spread its poison, and I wonder if somehow there is something wrong with me. Have I somehow gone wrong? Is there something amiss with my own faith?
A short time ago, I was reading some Christian literature, and there was that feeling in my spirit that all was not right. Without going into all the details, it turned out that it was indeed, something that was not Biblical. It was confirmed over and over again.
It was as though the Father was assuring me that all was well. He is so lovingly patient and gentle with me. I am such a slow learner. In my heart I know that His Spirit dwells within me, because I am His child. Those doubts may come, but I know the truth. However, He took the time to reassure this troublesome daughter.
There was such an overwhelming feeling of gratitude and joy. It seems a simple thing as I write it down, but it means so much to me. To know I am loved in such a way brings me to my knees.
There have been other things these past few days - answers to prayer and reassurances of His tender mercy and grace in my life. I am overwhelmed anew at the lovingkindness of the Father. When I am so consumed with self that I drift away from Him, He reaches out and draws me back with such love. I haven't words to praise Him adequately. He is everything to me.
"And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever; that is the Spirit of truth whom the world cannot receive, because it does not behold Him or know Him, but you know Him because He abides with you and will be in you."
John 14: 16-17