Thursday, September 23, 2010

Worry/Trust

I used to think I was not a worrier. Then I began listening to my own conversations and was astounded to hear how many times the words "worry" or "worried" came out of my mouth. I could almost excuse it as just a figure of speech until I heard my daughter refer to me as a "Worry Wort." That pretty much sealed the deal.

I'm a worrier.

I began to search for the source of all that angst. After all, I've been a Christian all my life. I know all the verses about not worrying and about leaving my burdens with the Lord. I pray. How is it that I still fret about so many things?

I realized that all of those things had one common denominator - they were things that were out of my control. There is no question that I like to have everything under control. I'm a planner. I make lists. I want to know what to expect at every turn - anticipate every possible misstep. In my convoluted thinking process, I reasoned that if I had already thought about it then it wouldn't happen. Everything under control.

There came a day when none of those things worked for me. The Father allowed something to come into my life that was definitely not part of the plan. It was, in fact, my worst nightmare. There was simply no way I could work this one out. It was completely out of my hands.

Everything went dark for me, and for a long time I could not even pray. I wondered what the use of praying was, since I had prayed so hard that this very thing would not happen. In essence, I walked away from faith for a little while. Walked until I came to the place where I had to make a choice. Would I choose to walk the path of faith, or would I turn my back on it for good.

For me there really was no choice, because I knew the path away from God led to despair. Hope lay in His direction, and oh how I needed hope. In order to find my way back, I had to come to a point of surrender - a letting go of what I desperately wanted to be control of. I was going to have to trust Him. No more questions about what if. I had to believe with all my heart that God is who He says He is and that He will do what He has said He would do (thank you Beth Moore).

When I finally surrendered to faith, the gentle Spirit of God put an inexplicable peace in my heart. It took me by surprise. The circumstances didn't change, but He changed something fundamental in me. For the first time, I fully trusted Him with all that is most precious to me - without holding on for dear life just in case He wasn't paying attention.

There are days when worry and fear try to worm their way back into my heart, and I have to go through the process all over again. It is all right. I have a dear Father who understands. With grace and love He draws me close to His heart.

"Do not fear for I am with you. Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10



I am linking to Bonnie's Faith Barista Jam today.

Blessings,
Linda

14 comments:

Sandy said...

If we're honest with ourselves I
think we would say we're all that
way from time to time. And yes,
it is wonderful that we have such
a patient and understanding Father
who allows us to begin again and
grow stronger in the process.
Love,
Sandy

Jeri@GodsDreamsForMe Ⓥ said...

This is exactly true:

"The circumstances didn't change, but He changed something fundamental in me. For the first time, I fully trusted Him with all that is most precious to me - without holding on for dear life just in case He wasn't paying attention."

The more it happens, the easier it is to trust Him.

You touched my heart with the honesty in your post. I'm so glad I came by to visit.

Andrea said...

Blessings and prayers,
andrea

Heather said...

From one list maker & planner to another... thank you! Just last night I stayed up until the wee hours, talking with my husband about our 2 oldest boys and our great concern for their best (in short, as their successes in the swimming pool increase, so do the demands on their time... and we're "worried"-- is it too much? And is this level of commitment... right now... at their young ages... the best? I don't want to look back w/ regrets, you know?)

Anyhoo-- we prayed, but oh how I'm still praying for *His* peace and His perfect will for them. I need to completlely let go of this-- I need to place my boys and their lives in HIS most loving hands~

Thank you, Linda. Once again...you knew just what I needed. Somehow, you knew!

Dawn said...

We have this in common. But even moreso, my dear husband, who never used to be this way, has become such a worrier and fretter - He will pray for a long time every morning, then get up and resume worrying. It is distressing to watch. Thank you for these words today.

Melanie said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE this post!

I have this struggle with holding on to control with my little white knuckled death grip. You are completely right. I felt like you spoke exactly how my heart has often felt and I love the realization you came to and shared with us.

I am actually struggling with going on a flight this weekend and I am so scared! I am going to print out this post to read during takeoff. THANK YOU!

deb said...

perfect post .

allie said...

So agree ithe Jeri@GDFM - what that paragraph says is key.
It bears the fingerprints of the Lord - or rather, let me say it this way: it is the way I have experienced His working in my own life.
I think in some ways He gets more glory out of it this way, don't you?

Life in Christ = the Great Adventure!

Debbie said...

I thought I was listening to my own story here...except it was my best friend's daughter (who calls me Aunt Debbie) who called me the worry wart.

Jingle said...

everyone worries,
trust is good to keep you stay fit and upbeat.
prayers.
have a fun weekend.

PEA said...

I used to worry about every little bitty thing but these days I just trust in my faith and just knowing that He is there for me calms me right down:-) xoxo

gretchen g. said...

It is at times hard to identify our internal tendencies or inclinations---- kudos on this post.

Maxine said...

I have certainly been there. There have been many times I've had to remind myself Who is really in control and to rest in Him. Worrying is so easy to do.

Bonnie Gray said...

I feel the way Debbie does. I felt I was reading my own story too! I'm so glad you shared this last week because you are right, this is a process that is wash, rinse and repeat again for us all. And this post was perfect encouragement, that was so powerful because it was so personal and real (as "amen'ed" by all the wonderful comments left! Thank you, Linda!