Tuesday, October 5, 2010
The weak light of early morning filled the bedroom window, carrying the promise of another glorious day. I lay for a few moments and tried to pray - feeling the distance between us again. It is a distance of my own creation - made up of feelings of guilt, remorse and unworthiness.
I began with thanks but quickly drifted into confession - the same old sins yet again. The distance widened, and I asked Him, "How?" How can He forgive me over and over again?
It is always the same - this giving in to ingrained habits and selfish desires. There is the moment of decision, the rationalization that it really isn't such a big deal and I'll do better tomorrow, the step into rebellion. The distance widens.
It becomes difficult to accept the grace and forgiveness freely offered - and the question weighs down my heart, "How?"
There came a gentle whisper this morning, "Because I love My Son too much not to. To withhold forgiveness would be to denigrate the sacrifice." The distance closed and my heart wept with the realization of such love - a love that extends to even me. It has nothing to do with my worth and everything to do with His.
Such love compels me to embrace the forgiveness He has provided with such amazing love and to turn from those things that would seek to separate me from Him.
"and behold, a voice out of the heavens, saying, 'This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.'"
picture taken at the Christian School in our neighborhood