Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Day Thirty-One

Day thirty-one. There were some days I felt like giving up, but here we are - the last day. For some reason I'm wiping away tears. I can't explain them.

I have loved writing about this God who is ever present, this Holy One who sits enthroned in the highest heaven and longs to hear my voice and hold me close. I confess, it is so much easier to write the words than to live them out. Forgive me Father. How can it possibly be true?

Why do I choose other things over You? Why is it so hard to stop caring about the way others see me and be satisfied with Your tender look of love? Why, when you reach out to me do I turn the other way and pursue those other gods - the ones I've let take up residence in the place that is rightfully Yours? Why do I find it difficult to trust - to come to You with open hands and let You take what You must and give what is best? Why, when I have been given priceless treasure do I settle for cheap imitations? And why, after all those things, do You love me so passionately?

I let the questions roll down my cheeks and know that this journey can never end. It reaches to the end of my days and then into eternity.

It is a bit of a conundrum this seeking after God - for He wants desperately to be found. It is that thought that brings the tears. The tenderness, the love, the longing of a Father who spared nothing that we might find Him. From this thirty-one days I take a longing to love Him well, to drink deeply, trust fully, walk ever mindful that He is always with me. I pray it is the same for you. He loves you.