Monday, June 17, 2013


 I am torn between two opposing opinions. On the one hand there are those who say it is wise not to write when you are feeling down and discouraged. On the other are the ones who urge us to put the struggles into story so that others might be encouraged.

I've been waiting. There are real tragedies all around us, and my little struggles are so small in comparison. In fact, my devotional for today said:

"Learn to laugh at yourself more freely. Don't take yourself or your circumstances so seriously. Relax and know that I am God with you. When you desire My will above all else, life becomes much less threatening."
"Jesus Calling"  Sarah Young

For months my husband has been struggling with pain that has gone from little to great. Our days have been filled with doctors' offices, P.T, endless forms, medication, and waiting, waiting, waiting. The end result is back surgery early next month. In the meantime, he suffers; we suffer.

It is in these times discouragement and self-pity loom large. They plant seeds of doubt and send out shoots of worry and fear.  They dwarf hope and faith and blot out the heavens. And I let them.

I finally began the flower garden I have dreamed of for such a long time. I planned so carefully, mindful of the deer who wander across our land and help themselves to anything and everything - except a few, to them, thoroughly unappetizing things. Lantana, Oleander, Verbena and one brave Lavender plant sit quietly in the sunshine. I check on them first thing every morning, and every morning they are still there. However, they cannot do without me. By mid-afternoon their little heads are drooping. If I don't give them a drink, they will not survive this Texas sun.

I need refreshment too. I need it most when it is the very thing I push away.

I have been watching her for days. Except for quick little trips for food and water (I think), she sits patiently on her little nest. Sometimes the wind blows, causing her little world to rock back and forth. There has been thunder and lightning and scarey big people walking back and forth - and still she sits.

She holds a secret. There is a Father who is watching her tiny self. No matter what comes against her, she simply rests in the knowledge that He is in control. Her part, for now, is to sit and wait. A day is coming filled with joy and blessing.