Monday, June 17, 2013

Hope


 I am torn between two opposing opinions. On the one hand there are those who say it is wise not to write when you are feeling down and discouraged. On the other are the ones who urge us to put the struggles into story so that others might be encouraged.

I've been waiting. There are real tragedies all around us, and my little struggles are so small in comparison. In fact, my devotional for today said:

"Learn to laugh at yourself more freely. Don't take yourself or your circumstances so seriously. Relax and know that I am God with you. When you desire My will above all else, life becomes much less threatening."
"Jesus Calling"  Sarah Young

For months my husband has been struggling with pain that has gone from little to great. Our days have been filled with doctors' offices, P.T, endless forms, medication, and waiting, waiting, waiting. The end result is back surgery early next month. In the meantime, he suffers; we suffer.

It is in these times discouragement and self-pity loom large. They plant seeds of doubt and send out shoots of worry and fear.  They dwarf hope and faith and blot out the heavens. And I let them.

I finally began the flower garden I have dreamed of for such a long time. I planned so carefully, mindful of the deer who wander across our land and help themselves to anything and everything - except a few, to them, thoroughly unappetizing things. Lantana, Oleander, Verbena and one brave Lavender plant sit quietly in the sunshine. I check on them first thing every morning, and every morning they are still there. However, they cannot do without me. By mid-afternoon their little heads are drooping. If I don't give them a drink, they will not survive this Texas sun.

I need refreshment too. I need it most when it is the very thing I push away.


I have been watching her for days. Except for quick little trips for food and water (I think), she sits patiently on her little nest. Sometimes the wind blows, causing her little world to rock back and forth. There has been thunder and lightning and scarey big people walking back and forth - and still she sits.

She holds a secret. There is a Father who is watching her tiny self. No matter what comes against her, she simply rests in the knowledge that He is in control. Her part, for now, is to sit and wait. A day is coming filled with joy and blessing.

Blessings,
Linda


6 comments:

Linds said...

I love Jesus Calling, and I am reading along with you every day, Linda. And somehow, the words are always perfect for me. For you.

Pain I understand. It is a nightmare world. I live in it too, and so I understand your husband. Just keep him moving, however slow it may be. And I will pray for a quick surgery date for him.
Love and hugs, my special friend.

lil red hen said...

I will be praying for a successful surgery for your husband. I lived with sciatic pain for 14 months and when the doctor seemed to be doing nothing for me he said, "Only Jesus is the healer." I was in such pain at the time that this made me angry, but now I know it was true.

I can feel you discouragement; just hang in there and try to rest.

S. Etole said...

The waiting process seems so hard. Blessings for his complete recovery.

emily freeman said...

This is beautiful writing, Linda. I'm glad you put these words down even as you wait.

SimplyDarlene said...

AH, you've tucked so many nuggets of wisdom and love into that message above.

Indeed, we must water the Hope, even if we occasionally do it with our tears.

Love to you and yours.

Blessings.

Megan Willome said...

I'm so sorry to hear that your husband is struggling right now (and you, too).

I believe strongly in writing while you're suffering, but not necessarily writing about the suffering. For example, if it had been me, I would have only written about the flower garden. Not saying I'm right, just saying that's what I would have done. I have my reasons. But look, you got comments of love and prayer by sharing. So, both have their place.