I have written 1,240 posts since I began blogging nearly seven years ago. This post, this 1,241st post, is by far the most difficult one I've ever written.
For days I have struggled - trying to decide whether or not I would ever write another. Part of my heart wanted to quietly walk away - the other part desperately needed to find words. Not just any words - true words - so that blessing might somehow be birthed from the pain.
I have wanted, always, to be honest and transparent in this little place - to give to those who may happen by, something from the gift of encouragement He has crafted into my heart. I have found that there are some things that cannot be spoken - things that are too deeply personal and meant only for one. The story can be told; the details may need to be kept close to the heart.
My heart quickened a bit when I saw that Lisa-Jo had chosen "broken" for today's Five Minute Friday word. It was, I think, a gentle nudge to quietly write the words I feel free to share:
I hardly know where to begin. Our hearts are broken. Grief bears down and it is difficult to walk through the days.
On the day of my husband's back surgery - the one we've been waiting for for months - our son-in-law Nicolas passed away. Our daughter, Lisa, waited until the following day to call from their apartment in France - so very far away. She was concerned about her Dad - didn't want to upset him.
So we are here, and she is there - an ocean and thousands of miles separate us. There are so many there to love and support her, but how we long to be with her.
Soon. She will come home soon.
We are numb and hurting and sometimes wonder if perhaps it was all just a bad dream.
It is in these moments, these heart wrenching moments, when we lean into the truth of all God is. He is our peace and comfort. He is faithful and good - a loving God who never leaves or forsakes. Everything that comes to us passes through His hands - hands of grace and mercy.
So we trust, and He comes gently - His tears mingled with ours - to make all things good in His time.
Linking with Lisa-Jo today on her FB page