Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Just To Say Thank You

I have tried to think of a way to adequately tell you how much we appreciate all of the prayers and encouraging, kind words from all of you. We are humbled by such grace. We love you.

This is my feeble attempt to say thank you:

This little space in the vast internet world has become, for me, a place to share my heart. Some things I have kept close. Not everything benefits from sharing. But when we can talk about the difficult times, we find encouragement, and when the blessings come we rejoice.

We have had a difficult year. As I wrote to a friend, when others look at me and comment on how down I look, I know it's bad. I'm rather an expert at putting on a happy face, but the constant battering took an emotional and spiritual toll. I felt as though I was on a gigantic see-saw - alternating wildly between faith and fear.

We were facing several big problems, but I came to realize, over time, that fear was the real culprit. Every new difficulty added to my anxiety, until most mornings I dreaded getting out of bed. I prayed, trusted, doubted, confessed, prayed again - until I finally came to the end of myself. If the things I said I believed about God held true, something had to change.

I have found if I can quiet the noise in my head and listen (there's that word again), the Lord has something to say to me. Over and over, in various ways, He reminded me He would fight my battles for me. My part was to stand still and trust Him.

It sounds so simple. I haven't found it so. I'm forever racing into my tomorrows with all the "what-ifs" running through my mind. The loudest one: "What if God thinks I can handle more than I'm able to stand?" It's a tiresome way to live.

If you run long enough you will eventually come to a cross-roads. For me, one read trust - the other despair. I'd been there before. Apparently I'm a slow learner.

The amazing thing is, when you choose the right road you find unexpected bonuses along the way. Peace has a way of following close to trust, and joy is never far behind. Sometimes you're tempted to turn around and look behind you, but it's never a good idea even if you encounter a few bumps and potholes. Better to keep moving toward trust. Then when He tells you to stand still and let Him take control - it's a good idea to listen.

All of this to say, God had shown Himself faithful. I know it sounds cliched and trite to some ears. I don't know how else to say it. It is the language of the soul, spoken by one heart to another. He is faithful.

It doesn't mean I'll get everything I ask for or that everything will go well. It means He will be with me and, with love and wisdom, work things together for my good.

But sometimes, He answers prayer in spectacular fashion. My husband said the other day, "God is just showering us with blessings!" It's true. He is. We are more grateful than we can say.

Cataract surgery on a very fragile eye, when you have only the one, can be a very frightening prospect. When it goes better than anyone had dared hope, you don't have words - just overflowing joy.

After months and months of fighting a legal battle, and it finally ends in a fair and honorable way - you don't have words - just absolute gratitude.

You find yourself wondering at the grace and love of God in view of your wobbly faith. When there are so many family members and friends praying for you, you are humbled and overwhelmed with gratitude.