As strange as it may seem, when my sister and I were little girls we sometimes argued. I know! "Don't come on my side," (when we shared a bedroom). "Stop lookin' at me," were classics among our arsenal of weapons. However, when we got really desperate we took out the big gun - "I'm tellin' Mom!" It usually worked. The prospect of Mom getting involved somehow opened the door to possible reconciliation.
This morning, I'm tellin' on myself. It seems only fair. I come to this space with the intention of being real and honest. I'm afraid sometimes the things I don't say can leave an impression that is a bit short of the truth.
This morning I stepped into this little study, sat down in my comfy swivel chair, pulled up to the desk and turned on the computer with the intention of writing a post entitled, "Time To Go." I had decided today would be the end of blogging for me.
Have you ever noticed when you make a big deal out of something the Lord has shown you, it somehow becomes the very thing that will trip you up? I think perhaps the enemy is quite clever that way. He stands in the corner smirking as we pontificate and makes his plans. Far too often I am easy prey.
I thought and wrote and prayed about becoming smaller. I used fancy words to say I wanted Him to become more and me to become less. And I meant them. Low and behold, that very thing began to happen. I watched as others became so much more - the Father using their gifts in amazing ways - and I seemed to shrink smaller and smaller. I really was happy for them, but I began to feel "less than."
Words like: "Didn't you think when you were humble the Lord would honor that in some way?" "Isn't there a verse, in fact I believe you memorized it some time ago, that says if you humble yourself He will lift you up? Doesn't seem to be working for you, does it?" "The trouble is you don't have a gift for writing and you should probably stop wasting valuable time pursuing a dream of your own making." "Look at your friends and how far they have come. You've been at this a long time and you seem to be pretty much right where you started. It's time to let it go. Stop trying to be something you're not."
I sit in front of my humming computer thinking about the lives I've touched and the many more that have touched mine and know I was believing a lie. The dream began in my heart - a ministry through writing - and He put it there. He has spoken words of encouragement through His word and through others. He has whispered into my heart over and over again.
It is my joy to write the words. The rest is up to Him. I know that. I believe that. I just need to live that.
So I'm tellin' in the hope that it may encourage someone else. Very often, when the Father gives us a good and perfect gift, the enemy is there ready to snatch it out of our hands. He's clever. He knows our weaknesses and uses them to twist the truth into a plausible lie. He will even throw in some scripture to try and give it more legitimacy.
He is, however, no match for the One who dwells within us. Jesus is there - holding out the protective armor we need to quench those fiery darts. He has given us everything we need. We must simply take it.
10-12 And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.13-18 Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.
Ephesians 6 The Message