Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Afraid of the Dark

When I was a little girl, I dreaded the coming of darkness. Daylight danced with joy, and I tried my best to stall the coming night. But eventually darkness overshadowed, and I knew it would come.

A little night light scattered the darkness next to my little bed. I called it my "friend." Four years later a little sister came to keep me company, but it wasn't enough. When bedtime inevitably arrived, I ran down the hallway to our bedroom, hit the doorway at top speed, and leaped into bed. Leaning over, I cautiously lifted the dust ruffle to be sure the nameless fear wasn't hiding there waiting to get me.

My "friend," the cautious peek, the reassuring tucking in did nothing to assuage my fearful little heart. There was only one thing that could calm my fears and make me feel safe and protected. It was the sound of my parents' voices. Curled up in a little ball, clutching the silk edging of my pink blanket up to my chin I listened to the soft cadence of their conversation, and eventually drifted off to sleep.

I can remember summer evenings, when Mom and Dad went outside to sit on the porch after tucking us in. I couldn't hear them, and I would call out to them - just to make sure they were still there. I didn't feel safe until they came back inside and I heard their gentle voices through the bedroom wall.

I am all grown up now, and the darkness no longer frightens me as it once did. But there are nights I lay there and feel that same feeling of separation.  I cannot "hear" His voice, and my Father seems somehow far away. It was so just the other night. A day filled with "busyness" and not much time for Him left me feeling empty. I called out to Him and lamented the distance. "I feel so far from You Lord."

"When you feel distance in our relationship, you know where the problem lies. My love for you is constant... It is you who change like shifting sand, letting circumstances toss you this way and that.
When you feel far from Me, whisper My Name, This simple act, done in childlike faith, opens your heart to My presence. "
"Jesus Calling"   Sarah Young

A gentle reminder of His unchanging character and absolute faithfulness. He would no sooner abandon me than my parents would have. They were just a little girl call away. So is He.

Joining Jennifer today: