Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Day 2 Journey to Trust

I grew up on Sunday School, sword drills, pot luck suppers, Christian Girls in Training and hymn sings. The old songs are permanently etched on my heart - the words a treasure trove of wisdom. I have memories of riding in the backseat on the way home from my Grandparents' small apartment singing a duet with my Dad - all our favorite hymns one after another - my little voice mingling with his baritone.

One of my favorites was "Trust and Obey"

"When we walk with the Lord
  in the light of his word,
 what a glory He sheds on our way.
 While we do His good will,
 He abides with us still,
 and with all who will trust and obey.

 Trust and obey, for there's no other way
 to be happy in Jesus
 but to trust and obey."
 lyrics: John S. Tammis

I also grew up wanting, more than anything else, to be a good girl. I longed for approval - most especially God's. So I readily embraced the "obey" part.  I tried my best to be everything I thought I should be - carefully concealing the bad girl who occasionally reared her ugly head. Whenever she showed up I felt trapped - too ashamed to pray, too terrified not to confess. Desperately wanting to keep the slate clean, I worked very hard at keeping things under control.

Somehow I thought if I could manage it all, then God would be happy with me and life would be sweet. I carried this "doctrine" well into my adult life. (In truth, I struggle with it still. ) Trust became something I gave lip service to but in reality it had no part in my life. The Lord brought this to my attention in a very dramatic way a dozen or so years ago.

We'll talk more tomorrow.