Trust - "firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something"
If anyone had asked me if I trusted God, I would have answered "Yes," with absolute conviction. I loved Him and the desire of my heart was to know Him more.I believed that I trusted Him. However, I didn't live as though I did.
When confronted with life's inevitable disasters, I turned confused eyes heaven-ward and asked, "Why? I've tried my best to do everything right. Don't I deserve to be happy Lord?" Somehow, according to my own system of checks and balances, I thought I had earned a little joy. The down-side of my little system was that every time I failed I waited for the the "righteous hammer" to fall.
I read those words and feel a sadness for the girl who wanted so much to please the God who already loved her unconditionally. The girl who struggled mightily to control everything and everyone around her - to keep life manageable and free from pain.
She had yet to learn to open her hands to the One she loved - to receive from His hands both joy and sorrow with the absolute assurance that all would be well.