Friday, October 11, 2013

Journey to Trust - Praise - Day 11

I look back on those weeks of cold silence in wonder - wonder at my nerve. My little self turning my back on God. I think of Job and the words the Lord spoke in the face of his angry questions:

"Where were you when I created the earth? Tell me since you know so much....
  And who took charge of the ocean when it gushed forth like a baby from the womb? That was Me! I wrapped it softly in clouds, and tucked it in safely at night...
  And have you ever ordered Morning, 'Get up!' told Dawn, 'Get to work?'...
  Do you know where Light comes from and where Darkness lives so you can take them by the hand and lead them home when they get lost...
  Can you get the attention of clouds and commission a shower of rain?....
For three chapters God answers Job with questions of His own. But such questions made little impression on me at the time. I saw only my own suffering, and I wanted out.

Weeks spent with cold distance between my heart and the heart of God began to take a toll. I felt so empty. The day came when I knew I had to stop living in the barren valley. I had a choice to make. I would choose faith or I would walk away. There really was no "Land of In-between."

With my back to Him I looked down the long road of years yet to come. All I could see was emptiness - a place devoid of hope and meaning, filled with despair. I turned slowly to face Him. I couldn't see the path, but I knew He was up ahead - waiting. I took one halting step forward and spoke His name.

I told Him I didn't know how to pray any more; that it seemed He had turned a deaf ear to all my cries for help. I wanted to believe in Him, but I had only the tiniest flicker of faith to see by.

He answered in His gentle way, "Praise."

Praise - in the face of such loss; in the face of such heart-wrenching sorrow?

Yes - just that - praise.

I struggled for words. Reaching for the Psalms, I walked into praise.