Monday, February 23, 2015

Letter to God About the Internet


Dear Lord,

I haven't written in quite a while. We've talked, but for some reason I haven't written words. I'm not sure why.

So many thoughts swirl around - swishing from my heart to my mind and back again- never holding still. I think back to those times we've talked about me becoming smaller and You bigger and wonder exactly what that should look like in this "online world".

It dovetails with the struggle to find balance. I swing back and forth between spending far too many hours trying to be a "presence" and a friend online and going completely silent. For a number of weeks, I've chosen an in-between place - leaning a bit more toward the silence.

It's felt so freeing, Father. I didn't realize how much pressure I put on myself to be a part of all things "internetty." I know You're smiling - knowing all too well my penchant for seeking the approval of others. But in the process, I feel as though I've neglected something vital.

Giving my full attention to the loved ones I share this life with - without thinking about a clever FB update, a cute instagram picture or a deep blog post I could somehow incorporate - has been so good. Focusing on real life friends, investing undivided time in my small group, taking more time to read and do the creative things I have always loved doing, just being still - it feeds my soul. I had gotten to the point where I couldn't remember what life without the internet felt like.

Here's the dilemma, Lord. I love the friends I've met online. I can't quite imagine not writing at all. And there's a book lying forgotten in the box on my desk. And, really, why do I have to be so "all or nothing"? Give me wisdom to do this one life well. Lead me in the way I should go:

Isaiah 30:21New American Standard Bible (NASB)

21 "Your ears will hear a word behind you, “[a]This is the way, walk in it,” whenever you turn to the right or to the left."

With much love,
Linda

P.S. Please forgive these ramblings, friends.  Just mulling over the things I've been thinking about.




3 comments:

S. Etole said...

I enjoy your ramblings and it is always good to see you here.

meema said...

Interesting. You are not alone. Seems lately quite a few folks are taking an objective reassessment of their presence on the web in whatever form that is. This includes me as well. Though I have managed to resist most other social media so that’s something I don’t have to deal with but over the past few years due to aging and one thing and another I am severely limited now in my creative life, which has been so deeply a part of me there’s no way for me to stop altogether. That would surely be the end of me and God and I have had this discussion.

So, my solution was to change the way I express myself on my blog. Twenty years ago I put in a decade of puppeteering. Over time I evolved from a major traveling puppet theater to a single elderly lady who told stories. I admit it is way more difficult and takes ten times the effort and time to do a video than it does to write 800 words and post them to my blog, but as I am getting accustomed to the process, I have been able to reduce the time it takes and improve with each effort. I can't explain how renewing this has been for me.

Once I had prayed about it and wrestled with the options, which included shutting down completely, I finally feel I got my answer, that it’s okay for me to continue to speak the things that I feel needs to be said. The upside is that even if no one actually sees the videos, I am serving in the way I can with no expectations and using my skills (the ones left to me) to create. The creative freedom in the ‘no expectations’ thing is unimaginable.

Just sayin’...

For Him,
Meema

Ann Parker said...

Well, Linda I don't have a blog (and everybody said AMEN!). I can really relate to yours, though. I love the way you write and express yourself. The part of me that fits in what you wrote is the "all or nothing" part. I am "all in" when I diet and I am "all out" when I quit. I am "all in" when I clean, and I am "all out" when I quit. I am "all in" when I read the Bible, and I am "all out" when I quit. I am "all in" when I walk, and I am "all out" when I quit. I wish I could be more balanced! The key word in that sentence is MORE. My life screams "What in the world is moderation??"