Somewhere along the line I adopted the principle that since I loved the Lord my life would be filled with all things fashioned for my happiness. It didn’t take many years for me to be disavowed of this idea. It did, however, come as something of a shock. In truth, I felt somehow cheated and decided if this was the way the Lord treated the people who loved Him I would have to rethink this whole thing.
That began a dizzying cycle of turning from God in seasons of suffering, returning to God when I knew I had no other place to go, and retreating again at the next sign of trouble.
As the years passed, the seasons of estrangement shortened. I learned to open my hands, releasing the questions and choosing to trust -for I had seen His faithfulness and felt His peace.
The sorrow still comes; the longing for answers lingers - but after all these years my heart knows I have none other in heaven but Him, and when I look with truth-filled eyes I understand what I cannot understand.
“Whom have I in heaven but you?
I desire you more than anything on earth.
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but God remains the strength of my heart;
he is mine forever.”
Psalm 78: 25,26